Veronica Hoffman
November 7, 1979 ~ August 2, 2009

Please understand I cannot discuss this when I am in the middle of my day, it's too hard emotionally so I ask that you read this and write me and email instead of calling me, please understand!

I have really been missing her a lot lately. My heart will never fully mend. Veronica you live in my memories. I love you so freaking much and there is NOT ONE day that goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. I love you, I miss you and I hurt for you. I LOVE YOU FOREVER my sweet beautiful, wonderful, most generous and trustworthy woman I knew, aside from myself. I so wish I could have taken some of the pain away for you. -May 10.

This is very dreadful and hurtful for me to write and I have just been trying to go about life and now since it would have been her 30th birthday Nov. 7, 09, it is time for me to write about my confidant, my partner, a friend I considered family.

There have been some things said about her attempting to explain what happened. It has been enough time now for me to reflect and try to really see what happened and be able to share it. I know many of you have been wondering and have read the other things that were written by people who loved and cared about her. I want to remember her as the hard, dedicated successful woman that she was. She was such a great partner, she made sure to always be fair about everything. One thing I feel that has never been discussed or said is how successful she was. Even till the very end, she paid the several thousand dollar monthly rent on the space I had owned and ran since 2002, that she took over on her own since March 2009. She had refused to leave Hollywood Chambers. The landlord refused to replace or upgrade anything, so I wanted to move. I felt it was time to move on and talked with her about it several times. She said she felt "nested" there and would not leave.

Instead of moving, she offered to take over the place and rent a room to me. My Goddess Chamber was my main play room, so it was all I really used and needed anyway. My personal slave had been living there since I opened but it was time for him to move as well. Then a short time later I relocated to a new home not nearby, so I was only there during the week on a limited basis. This is when things got really bad. It was about a month after she was alone there that she started becoming really manic.

It was such a horrible thing to go through. I never wanted to see her down like that. She did not deserve to feel alone and I feel so horrible that she was, but she pushed us all away. Everyone who loved her, she pushed away. She did not want us to see her like that. She thought she could do everything herself. It made me a different person for a while. To have to see someone I love so much and held so high in my heart. It just hurts.

I was barely functioning for a while, but I managed. Thanks to my wonderful stable of true slaves that love me as their Goddess. This has taught me to value my slaves in a different way. As V was my family, so are my slaves. V will always be a part of me. I feel her when I play. I feel her laughter with my own echo in my soul. I have her little heart shaped paddle. I enjoy using it, I feel her energy in it. I often tell my slaves, "I am spanking you with V's heart". It may be perverse to some, but to you fellow pervs who knew her like I did, you know she'd just love that! She loved nothing more than to get deep into scene.

Veronica was this gorgeous girl I had met out and about at several events. I always thought she would be such a great independent Domina, the way she worked so hard at promoting herself and how popular she already was. When she got in touch to rent from me at the Hollywood Chambers, I was very excited! That must have been back in 2004? I can't remember exactly. It was after she had graduated college that she was ready to be independent. She became my partner about a year after that, wanting her own private space.

I will write more about this as I am able to, but for now, I just want us all to remember the humble, beautiful, generous and loving soul she was. It's very difficult for me in so many ways to not have her around. She was my best friend, my little sister, my partner, my entrusted confidant and so much more. I just really, really miss her.

Happy Birthday my beautiful angel. My heart bleeds over missing you and I vow to always honor your memory and hold your memory on the highest pedestal. I love you Veronica, you took a part of my heart with you!